Fractured
by KeelieThompson1
Summary: Despite winning the war and being Potter's...you know...Draco will always live a fractured life. Almost like a collection of drabbles. Warnings: mentions of violence and noncon  offscreen  and language.    Slash!


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter!

Summary: Despite winning the war and being Potter's...you know...Draco will always live a fractured life. Almost like a collection of drabbles.

Warnings: violence and rape/noncon is mentioned and discussed but never shown and there is quite a lot of strong language in this.

I will warn you of this too...i started this, wrote it in a night and have since then stared at the document a little bewildered as to exactly what i was aiming for when i started this cause i'm pretty sure it's run away from me at some point. So i still don't know what to really make of it but someone out there may enjoy it!

* * *

The moment he spotted his...whatever the hell Potter was to him, Draco felt himself break into a run. The fact that Potter was still standing was something of a relief to him...ok it was like being able to breath again. But he wouldn't be satisfied until he had the stupid man in his arms and could check for himself that he was safe.

His hands reached out the second he got near and clutched the filthy fabric that was left of Potter's shirt. He grabbed him closer to him, desperate. Any patch of skin, any strand of hair was suddenly of the upmost importance. His hands couldn't stop moving, his lips couldn't stop murmering broken words between relieved kisses.

It took him a moment before he realised that Potter was being annoyingly unresponsive. The second he did he pulled back, hands cupping Harry's face and trying to catch the green eyes that were currently looking through Draco and to the mess beyond.

"Harry?" Draco whispered hoarsely, annoyed with the terrified tone of his voice, "Harry, look at me."

Harry shook his head ever so slightly. It was annoying but it gave Draco some measure of relief that Harry was at least responsive to him.

"Harry." Draco said again, his voice far steadier this time and trying to move Harry's face so that he'd look at him. "Merlin's sakes Harry". His fingers dug in harshly to Harry's pale cheeks and he knew he was being far too rough with the boy that had just killed Voldemort.

Harry's lip trembled and he shook his head as much as he could in Draco's grasp. "Don't". His voice was rough and harsh as if he'd been screaming for hours.

But Draco had watched, watched every second with Severus' hand digging into his shoulder like claws. Voldemort and Harry had been fighting for the grand total of four minutes and about eleven seconds.

Five minutes ago Harry had cracked a joke about Draco finding another partner after all of this.

Draco threw a helpless look at the others who were making their way over. Hermoine and Severus (that relationship his addled mind still couldn't quite get over) were holding onto each other looking bruised and beaten while Ron limped over despite the protests of most given that his leg did not look at all normal.

Far beyond the battle was dying to a close. The Order was clearing up the death eaters that remained and Draco thought he could spot Tonks' hair in amongst the group.

Severus tried to pull Draco away from Harry but Draco simply dug his fingers in, slightly surprised that Harry hadn't protested yet. With an irritated noise Severus placed the back of his hand against Harry's brow and started checking his pulse and such.

"Draco move." Severus snarled.

Draco shook his head wordlessly and yet he felt Hermione starting to pull him away, Ron helping the best he could in the curcumstances.

"No" he murmered trying to fight them yet so terribly confused that he was unable to focus. "What's happened to him?" he asked desperation starting to lace his voice.

No-one could answer him.

* * *

Five days later Harry was still unresponsive and Draco had screamed at the Minister of magic in front of half of the healing staff for daring to be annoyed that Harry couldn't join him for a photograph.

Harry wasn't exactly unresponsive. He was just elsewhere in his mind. No-one could understand it and Draco sat there for endless hours just staring at the shell of his former lover.

Soulmate whatever.

He still wasn't exactly happy about the way that sounded ever in his head. Far too sentimental and slushy for his tastes.

Harry had never seemed to mind it. At least not after the initial three months they had spend arguing and blamming each other and generally trying to find some way to prove that Dumbledore had been mistaken.

Perhaps he hated the word because if the way his father had sneered it at him when Draco had ran between Lucius and Potter, hoping against hope that his father would understand; would hate it, but would understand.

He really hadn't. Even now, almost a year later he could still see Lucius' face contort with rage and disgust as he spat the word out like it was something vile and dirty.

Harry was always clean in the hospital. Always in clean blankets and fresh pjamma's. It looked wrong on him. Harry was always covered in something, always looking wild and dishevelled as if he'd just come in from being on the broom or from riding Draco until he exploded. Harry was full of life and eagerness and emotion. He wasn't meant to be in a sterile ward with his hair tamed and looking spotless.

Draco tortured himself with the sight of it every day.

* * *

Five months later Draco felt numb. His mind buzzes constantly and he was snappish with anyone who dared to come near him. Part of him was starting to hate Harry for this.

_He's trapped in his own mind for whatever reason._

_Perhaps it's the after affects of his magic._

_It's a stress reaction, shutting yourself down to everything that's around you._

_It's something he's doing to himself._

He'd screamed at him for hours, until the aurors had been called for and he'd been thrown out of the building. He'd cried and pleaded and offered every sexual favour under the sun to Harry. He'd tried talking, hours and hours, nearly a full day before Severus came in and dragged him home.

So now he drank himself to sleep, every day after visiting Harry he would walk to the pub, any pub, and drink until he was refused anymore or until they threw him out.

And every night one of Harry's friends would pick him up and see him home without judgement.

He knew what he was doing. Some part of him hoped that Harry would suddenly see what was happening and wake up and come to Draco's rescue.

It never happened.

* * *

The chaperone of the night was Ginny. Sweet Ginny who had always looked at Harry with such love from so far away. Ginny who Draco had once warned off, because Harry was his...you know...and she couldn't have any part of him, even his toad green eyes.

Ginny who cried with him that night.

Ginny who looked as lost as he did.

What right did she have.

Furious he grabbed at her, then he felt something in him shatter as he smashed their lips together.

It made him more and more annoyed that she was nothing like Harry, she kissed completely differently and he was so disappointed that he nearly screamed.

He tore at her clothing and she at his, merlin only knew what she was thinking because suddenly she was as angry and desperate as he was.

He'd had girls before, appreciated their softness, had even complained to Harry that he missed the feel of breasts cupped in his hands but it was nothing compared to Harry. The noises were wrong, the words, the feel, the texture, the everything.

Wrong, wrong, wrong and he couldn't bloody stop.

He fucked her on the kitchen table, a kitchen table that Harry had never seen because he'd never been in this house. Because Harry couldn't shake himself out of the stupid daze that he seemed to be in.

They didn't talk afterwards. She dressed and he dressed and they just sat not knowing what to say to each other.

He threw up the second that she finally left.

* * *

Five weeks later she came to him again. Pregnant from that one twisted night.

He didn't know how to react. Barely even remembered how to react to anything anymore. He dimly could hear words like keeping, baby and choice.

* * *

It was like some cruel twist of fate in the end that the conversation was what snapped Harry back. As Ginny talked and Draco barely listened the walls started to shake and the glass in the frames started to tremble. It was when the lights flickered that Draco finally started to feel again.

Ignoring Ginny he ran over to Harry, who had buried his head in his hands and was shaking uncontrollably.

"Harry" he shouted over the rising din, trying to pull Harry's hands from his head, "Harry listen to me."

Harry's head snapped up to his, startled grey eyes met darkening green. Harry was literally shaking with effort, everything about him tense.

"Why can't you just let me be?" he hissed angrily, "Why couldn't you just go?"

Draco stared at him in astonishment feeling something clench in his stomach, agony that he'd never imagined. "What?"

The walls were starting to groan and as if from far away Draco could hear shouting and screaming as the building started to be evacuated. There was frantic banging on the door as people tried to get in and get them out, not knowing that the cause was in this very room, in his very arms.

"Harry?" Draco whispered brokenly not at all careling that the world was falling down around him.

Something in Harry softened ever so slightly and for a long moment they just stared at each other, the magic continuing to lash out at anything in its path.

Harry closed his eyes and the magic slowled slightly and then went back to what it had been doing. Every time Draco thought that maybe, just maybe Harry would get his control back the magic went wild again.

Then it got worse.

"I can't" Harry whispered brokenly. "I'm sorry Draco."

And then Draco was left with an empty bed and a silent room.

* * *

He drank and whored and drugged himself up until the days became a blur. Everything was harsh and sticky and dirty. His father died in Azkaban and he turned up at the funeral up to his eyes in any substance that had been on offer that day and spat into the grave, then laughed uncontrollably.

Harry's friends didn't pick him up this time.

In fact he seemed to have scared everyone off. He felt the sad, confussed and helpless looks aimed his way.

Fuck 'em!

The one morning when he was relatively sober Ginny appeared in his kitchen and pressed a bundle into his arms.

"Drop him and so help me i will hex you to oblivion." Was all she said as she took the chair opposite.

* * *

He went through rehab the muggle way, determined to do it right. Long nights of cold sweats and the definate feeling as if he was dying.

Compared to what had happened with Harry it almost seemed like a breeze.

Ginny had called the boy James long before Draco had even been aware that his son had even been born. Some gave her a curious look but she had simply shrugged and replied that she'd always liked the name.

He kinda liked the name too. Even though it should be James Malfoy rather than James Weasley.

He'd work on it.

The baby brought him back to life in a way he hadn't thought possible. That Harry shaped hole still existed but now he felt a bit wholer again. When he had his son for the night and got to watch him slowly fall asleep, valiantly fighting it with all his tiny strength Draco felt choaked with love.

* * *

His son was a natural at the broom. Ron and Draco were delighted by James' love of flying and immediatly argued who he was going to support.

And then just like that Ron was back in his life. With him came the Weasley clan and suddenly he was visited by a red head at least once a week.

* * *

He'd never known that Hermoine was pregnant and had miscarried because of what had happened. He never knew until she told him stiffly one day when he met her at Ginny's house. It explained Severus' sudden lack of interest in him.

Draco had a baby on the way and couldn't care while Severus had been utterly heartbroken.

He felt like shit.

* * *

Hermoine and Severus had a little girl when James was four years old. James hadn't been terribly impressed by the baby, in fact he'd wrinked up his nose and glared up at Draco.

"You said she'd be cute" he whined.

* * *

They declared Harry dead after seven years. No-one had seen him or heard from him. No-one understood or discovered what had happened. The prophet claimed that Harry had probably commited suicide after discovering Ginny was pregnant. His fragile emotional state shattered by the news that his soulmate had been unfaithful with the girl he might have married.

James asked him if it was his fault that Harry Potter was dead.

Severus caught up with him at the entrance to the Prophet office tower.

It was probably for the best Draco conceeded later. He hardly needed to add to the Malfoy's muredrous reputation.

* * *

When his mother finally died Draco returned to the manor that he'd grown up in. It was cold and as unwelcoming as he remembered.

He gutted the place from top to bottom started anew.

When Ron pointed out that it looked almost tailor made for Harry, Draco stopped work and had it gutted once again.

Damn Potter!

* * *

Dumbledore visited him as the builders were working on the manor.

"Teach them pureblood culture Draco, you never know if we'd done it originally we may have avoided the whole thing. You're the only person I trust to do this."

He'd said no.

"Then i suppose i'll look elsewhere. Maybe by the time James comes to Hogwarts someone reliable and trustworthy will be in the position."

Draco had stared angrily at the staircase he'd recomissioned and bit his tongue before he said something dreadfully rude to the old goat.

"Fine."

* * *

Going back to Hogwarts had been weird. Harry haunted him constantly. He avoided the room of requirement like the plague and had stormed up to Albus when he'd discovered where his classroom and office were to be. He'd let it go after an hour unable to come up with an effective arguement as to why he should move.

Afterall he hadn't been able to admit to the ancient headmaster that he was teaching in the same room, in almost the exact same place where he had taken a very innocent Harry Potter's virginity.

Instead he sat at the desk every day that summer until he no longer saw Harry on the floor underneath him and staring up with wonder in his gorgeous green eyes.

* * *

Ten years after Harry had defeated Voldemort, ten years after his life was on track, after everything was looking right, after he started to actually enjoy life again for his own sake who should he open the door to but Harry bloody Potter.

* * *

The manor's wards hadn't gone off which should have been his first clue. Harry had stood outside the impressive doors to the house in the rain with a tiny thing in his arms.

Draco hadn't even known where to begin.

"I have no right to ask you." Harry begun, blood oozing from a cut in his cheek. "Yet here i am."

Draco still couldn't find anything to say.

"Please."

Draco had finaly flickered his eyes down to the bundle of blankets and the baby wrapped up inside.

"Draco" Harry had pushed the baby into his arms and automatically Draco took the baby who was fast asleep.

"You're alive" Draco said stupidly.

Harry nodded, looking exhausted, "To an extent anyway."

Draco shook his head, "What_"

"The magic I can't...I can't be her father."

Draco stared down at the baby, Harry's daughter.

"You can though." Harry continued.

Laughter exploded from his lips, "You're mad." Draco said starung up at Harry, "You can't walk back here after ten years and leave your daughter on my doorstep."

"Her mother died giving birth. I can't...they wont let me..."Harry looked behind him warily.

His free hand shot out to catch Harry's wrist. "What are you talking about?" Draco asked fiercely.

Harry pulled away, "Don't tell people she's mine, don't draw attention to her, she can never know, no-one can."

"What's going on?"

Harry just shook his head, his eyes lingering on both Draco and the sleeping baby. "Please, if you ever loved me please."

Draco let out a long breath, "Are you ever coming back."

"No"

* * *

He told people that he'd found her on his door, obviously yet another product of a one night stand. Harry hadn't told Draco her name so Draco had named her himself.

Carys.

Carys Malfoy. It had a nice ring to it. It took a while before he felt the same unconditional love for James, but not long. After all she was Harry's. It wasn't that hard to love the Potters.

He saw Hermoine's look as Carys got older. Harry's plead to keep people ignorant of her true parentage were all well and good but she had his eyes and messy hair and smile.

James adored her. He was the perfect big brother even if he did once tell her to scribble on the walls to help with painting.

* * *

"She's Harry's"

"I'm sorry?" Draco had feigned polite confussion.

"Don't even start that Draco, for the son of Lucius Malfoy you're an awful liar." Hermoine snapped.

Draco let out a laugh, "What? You think Harry turned up on my doorstep one night and told me to raise his daughter?"

She gave him a long steady look, "Things like logic and predictability fly out the window where Harry's involved."

Huffing his shoulders in defeat he sighed. "Should I change her eyes or something?"

* * *

James graduated Hogwarts as headboy and utterly oblivious to the fact that little Bridget Snape was madly in love with him. Draco watched him with pride wondering if he'd ever been that young and carefree.

* * *

"You must be proud."

Draco froze at the sight of Harry Potter sitting in his living room as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Hesitantly Draco edged forward unsure if he'd finally gone mad, "Very" he replied stonily watching Harry closely.

"And very angry."

Draco sat down on the seat opposite Harry, "Why would i be angry" he said far too nicely.

The slightest of smile's crossed Harry's face. "Well i wasn't all that pleased with the situation."

Scoffing Draco shoook his head, "At least you knew the situation." He hissed.

Harry nodded, "I know."

They sat staring at each other.

"Are you going to ask about her?" Draco asked eventually in a tight voice.

"I know she's fine, she was with you." Harry replied evenly.

"Was?" Draco stood instantly, "If you think for one moment that you're coming here and taking my daughter from me then you've another one coming. I swear to merlin Harry that i will kill you before that happens."

Harry watched him without expression. "I doubt it" he said simply, "But i have no intention of taking Carys."

"Then why are you fucking here?" Draco suddenly screamed at him. "Do you have another child you wish to abandon at my door? Are you that desperate to come here and fuck up my life yet again? Do you want to stand there and tell me that you did all of this, all of this just to get out of having a destiny with me!"

Not once did Harry flinch, He sat calmly listening and waiting.

"Why are you here?" Draco demanded standing. "Tell me and go."

Harry nodded, "Do you want to know what happened?"

Draco stared down at him for a long time, "Once upon a time i would have given anything to hear what happened. Now...now i can barely give a rats arse."

Harry sighed, "You spend too much time with Ron."

Draco started to tap his foot impatiently.

"There was a time" Harry begun, "That hearing the from you might have let me to create a mini crator in the world."

Huffing out a disbelieving laugh Draco pinched the top of his nose sure that he was getting a migrain.

"Ten years it's taken me," Harry continued, "Ten years to get rid of Voldemorts magic."

Ice suddenly hit Draco's heart and he snapped his head up to meet Harry's gaze.

"Ten years of not allowing myself to feel," Harry continued as if he was talking about the weather, "Ten years of control, of discipline, or not allowing myself to be close to anyone because I could shatter them to pieces with just half a thought. Ten years of running from those who knew I had that kind of power, who could match me and beat me. Ten years of being told that I could no longer interfer in this world otherwise they would all come and destroy me. Ten long years Draco." Harry sat back. "Now it'd gone, now i'm back to normal and I can't bring myself to care about a goddamned thing."

Draco blinked in surprise, "What?"

Harry shrugged, "I don't care, I spent years tormenting myself until I surpressed everything so well that I dont care about anything."

Draco sat heavily, "Why are you here?"

Harry leant forward, "Because if anyone can make me feel somthing, anything it's you. And i'm being selfish and demanding but I want to feel again Draco. Even if all you want me to feel is guilt."

Draco shook his head.

"No"

* * *

He saw Harry again months later.

He had a fractured wrist and dislocated shoulder and severe anal tearing. In a very clear, precise and clinical manner Harry told him exactly what had happened.

Draco hadn't been able to sleep for most of the night. He kept seeing Harry in the hospital bed, this time filthy and mangled.

* * *

A week later he gave up, knowing that everyone was finding him unbearable. Severus and Hermoine had taken Carys for a few days after giving him a strange look.

He went into London and trawled every single place that catered to prostitutes.

He found Harry four dives down the line.

Harry just stared at him and raised an eyebrow.

Draco wordlessly held out his hand, this time Harry took it.

* * *

The world went nuts when it was discovered that Harry was living with him. They specualted and gossiped about what he might have been up to. The guy at St Mundago's recognised him and the papers went wild again making up horror stories about the cruelty that Harry had suffered.

Given that he'd been paid £600 for it and had been pretty bored throughout Draco felt that the papers overdramatised the whole thing.

* * *

The first thing Harry seemed to feel was fear.

It was about four months after he'd come to the manor. Draco had almost resigned himself to having a robotic lodger for the rest of his life when Harry had woken up Draco and Carys by screaming into the night.

Draco sent Carus to Hermoine before he went to see Harry.

Harry wouldn't let Draco anywhere near him.

* * *

Shame followed very quickly. Harry became withdrawn and seemed to be hiding from everyone. Even though they lived in the same house Draco barely caught a glimpse of him anymore. Harry apologised every single time he did.

Draco guessed that guilt was felt next. Harry watched him with shadowed eyes and tight lips. He had stopped eating and Draco called Poppy scared that Harry would collapse.

* * *

"Have you seen him naked?"

"No" Draco put down the book that he was reading. "Why?"

Poppy sighed as she packed her bags back up. "He has scars."

Standing Draco dragged his hand through his hair, "Well he was a prostitute for a while, i guess_"

"No" She shook her head, "These are older. And they're not scars from kinky sex."

He was strangely tempted to ask her how she could be so sure.

* * *

In the moonlight Draco could see the entirity of Harry's back. Poppy was right. They were war wounds that Harry had never recieved battling Voldemort and his forces.

Harry looked so young while asleep. Draco's traitorous mind could well imagine that it was over fifteen years ago and Harry was still in bed after they's had desperate needy sex.

Without his consent Draco's hand reached out and brushed some stray hair from Harry's face. His finger tips trailed over pale skin and he frowned at how thin Harry was, how suddenly delicate and fragile he was.

Nothing like the sturdy Harry Potter who so often tumbled off the side of the bed in a crash of limbs and a yelp of surprised laughter.

* * *

James asked questions when he visited. Draco cursed his son's age sometime, well aware that it would have been so much easier if James was still a child who accepted that no meant no.

_You were in love with him weren't you?_

_Are you still in love with him?_

_Is he really half mad?_

_What about Carys? Is he alright with her?_

_He is Carys' real Dad isn't he?_

_Are you shagging him?_

_

* * *

_

One day all of a sudden Harry suddenly sat down with Carys who was drawing furiously, tongue poking out between her teeth and all focus on the paper in front of her.

"You can't see it until it's finished" she announced to him with a fierce little glare.

"Then you can't see mine" Harry took a sheet of paper and a pencil.

Draco nearly dropped his paper at the sound of Harry teasing.

He'd never known that Harry could draw. In fact Draco was pretty sure that no-one had known Harry could draw.

"Daddy, he's drawn you" Carys shrieked in delight, almost climbing into Harry's lap to get a better look. "See?"

Draco took it solomly and saw the hesitation in Harry's eyes as well as the wince that Carys called Draco Daddy.

Tough.

* * *

Carys and James pestered him to go to Ginny's tenth wedding anniversary. Draco agreed and then they started pestering him to bring Harry.

So Harry came to.

Merlin, his children were spoilt, manipulative brats at times.

Then they asked if he could host it in the manor grounds.

By this point Draco didn't even bother putting up resistance. He simply snarled at them both and asked if they wanted him to bake the bloody cake too.

James had turned him down saying that Molly was doing it.

Cheeky child.

But he wasn't a child any longer. His son was slowly becoming a man. He was as tall as Draco and shared his dashing good looks and Ginny's fun personality as he tossed Carys into the air in a game that the two seemed to have invented behind his back.

Bridget was grown too. Severus seemed to be glaring at her constantly as if it was her fault for growing up. Her attempts to make James jealous seemed to only be making her father furious.

The strangest thing was that he, Draco Malfoy, was treated as a treasured family member and Harry was given suspicious looks and a wide berth.

Draco felt the wards collapse and instantly turned around panicked. James had felt it slightly too and looked around wildly.

Chaos erupted as they were attacked.

Dumbledore, ancient and expected to die soon threw up the strongest shielding charm Draco had seen in years. The seven wizards that attacked immediately started to tear it down.

It was only when he turned to check that James and Carys and then everyone else was safe that he realised who was missing.

Harry Potter was on the wrong side of the spell.

Swearing Draco spun back and scanned for him. Harry stood watching them all with something strange in his eyes.

One of the wizards followed his gaze and laughed in delight. Only two continued to try and shatter Dunbledore's spell while the rest advanced on Harry.

They hexed him and kicked him and generally beat him. Draco didn't realise that he'd stepped forward until Severus gripped his shoulder.

Again.

Swallowing back memories Draco watched in horror at what was happening and then suddenly focussed on the two wizards as Dumbledore fell to his knees in agony.

The shield shattered.

Yet the moment that it did there was a surprised yelp.

Harry was moving, fighting back.

And he was winning with ease.

Draco could only stare. Harry's magic lashed out like a whip as he punched and kicked like a pro. He moved blindingly fast and his opponants were down in seconds.

The two wizards apparated away before Harry could reach them.

* * *

Harry disappeared for a week.

When he came back it was as if nothing had happened.

"You lied" Draco hissed.

Harry looked genuinely confussed, "Did I?" he asked tiredly.

"You said you'd gotten rid of the magic."

"Of Voldemort's magic" Harry said slowly, "I still have mine."

Suddenly Harry's previous assertion that he could blow a crator into the earth didn't seem like a joke anymore.

* * *

They started to snipe at each other. Usually over Carys. Often over silly things around the manor. Their first blazing row was about the staircase for some strange reason.

* * *

"I hate you"

"I know"

Draco stood staring out at his grounds. "Do you know why?"

Leaning back against the stone wall Harry sighed, "I can think off a billion reasons."

They stood in silence, Draco all too aware that Harry was watching him.

"I don't think it's one of those reasons" Draco turned to look at Harry who looked windswept and dishevelled in the night air.

Harry simply quirked an eyebrow. "I suppose it doesn't matter. I found a place this morning."

"To live"

Harry nodded, "You finally have your wish Draco."

"You're such a bloody idiot"

* * *

The house seemed empty without Harry. To Draco's fury the second Harry left the manor he walked out if their lives too.

He tried dating again. Beautiful blond women with dark eyes and a fierce sexuality about them. He stopped when he realised what he was doing.

* * *

And so it was that nineteen years after the end of their relationship, after spending half their lives without each other that Draco became resigned to the fact that he always had and always would love Harry bloody Potter.

* * *

The moment he accepted it everything suddenly became easier. After dropping Carys off at James' flat he apparated to Harry's and sat in his living room.

When Harry eventually walked back in the door he took his time in the kitchen. Draco sipped calmly at the drink he'd poured. Water only.

After all he wasn't breaking seventeen years and four months of sobriety just for Potter.

Harry stopped instantly the minute he spotted Draco. The months away had been good to him, he'd put on weight and had gained some colour in his face.

Harry stared at him wordlessly for a long time.

"Umm..." Harry shifted, "Draco, what are you doing here?"

"You never asked me why I hated you."

In front of his very eyes Harry seemed to deflate slightly, "I didn't want to know." He whispered, "I still don't."

"Tough." Draco put the glass on a magazine annoyed that Harry didn't have any costers. "I didn't really want to hear what happened the night before I saw you in the hospital but you still told me."

Paling Harry sat down hard, "I'm sorry_"

Draco held up a hand stopping whatever it was that Harry might have said. "Almost twenty years Potter, twenty years it's taken us."

Harry stared at his lap and said nothing.

"Twenty years ago i honestly thought it would be you and me against the world. That we'd travel and fuck everything else off. That by the time we returned everyone would accept us and we'd do monumentaly stupid things together and have such screaming matches in public that everyone would be sure that we were going to end. But that was was our way, scream, yell lash out and then make up."

"It wasn't always" Harry protested quitely.

"We'd have been bored with anything else and you know it." Draco took a deep breath, "I don't want that anymore Harry. I have two children, an estate, a job, students, friends and a life. I enjoy it much as i hate to admit it.

"I have one thing missing Harry, one thing that i've pretended not to be missing_"

Harry stood up violently, "I can't listen to this." Harry said turning to a shelf with books and bottles. "You owe me nothing Draco."

"You're damn right i owe you nothing." Draco hissed watching Harry pour himself a drink. "You shattered my life into pieces and for a long time I wanted to die because of it."

Pain flittered across Harry's face and he swirled the liquid around in the glass.

"You ruined me for everyone else."

Harry's fingers tightened around the glass. "I don't believe that." He said, his voice shaking.

"Really? I've had lovers that are the exact opposite of you in every single possible way. I've had ones that are the spitting image. I rarely have anything in between." Draco stood, "I get angry because they don't kiss the same way you do, don't react the same way they do."

Hary watched him with utter confusion on his face.

"I fucking hate you Potter." Draco said, his face almost touching Harry's, "Because i can't stop loving you."

Wide eyed and disbelieveing Harry shook his head, "I...You shouldn't."

"Shouldn't hate you or shouldn't love you?" Draco barked out a laugh, "Believe me i've tried both."

"Draco i'm not fit for anyone." Harry shook his head and pushed past him, "If you're here to_"

"I am." Draco said not turing to face Harry and staring at the wall.

"Then you're even crazier than I am." Harry complained, "I'm a wreck Draco. I can't stand to have anyone near me after...I don't want to be touched or held. I hate the feel of magic going through me, i hate the knowledge that even without Voldemorts magic i can kill a man without breaking a sweat. I have nightmares constantly, panic attacks. I go nuts at an unexpected noise, i go through bouts of depression and my temper is worse than ever. If nothing else Draco you surely can't meant to have Carys around me."

Draco turned suddenly, "Don't use her as an excuse."

"I'm using her as a reason Draco, a damn good one. I gave her to you because i wasn't fit, because with me she'd be in danger and would have a shit childhood."

"You gave her to me and it broke you." Draco yelled suddenly, "You weren't unfeeling that night when you stood at my door and begged me to take your daughter, you were almost crying. You broke me and she broke you."

Harry shook his head, tears starting to flow, "Draco just go."

"You asked me to do that once. I ignored you then and i'm doing it now."

"Draco," Harry said warningly as Draco started to advance on him.

"I love you." Draco said close but keeping a distance. "You make me so miserable sometimes that i must be insanely in love with you. I've had twenty years Potter. I can manage a few more."

"I might never_"

"Then you might never." Draco allowed, "Come home."

* * *

Harry was right to warn him. He flinched away from Draco when he touched him, screamed into the night until Draco felt he might go mad from it and had such mood swings that Draco wanted to scream back at him.

It was a little easier once Carys went to Hogwarts.

* * *

"I just kissed Bridget." James announced when Draco walked into the sitting room.

"Does no-one ever knock anymore." Draco sighed sitting down with his son.

"Did you not hear me?" James yelped, "I kissed Bridget."

"I heard you James." Draco replied evenly.

"What the hell do i do now?"

"Do you want a diagram?" Draco asked with a cruel smile.

"That's sick_" James stood up and started to pace, "And no i don't need a diagram."

"Then a contraception spell?"

"No" James practically howled. "Why aren't you more annoyed at this. She's your best friends daughter, i've taken advantage of her_"

Draco burst out laughing, "You think your the one who took advantage of the other."

"Huh?"

"James...Bridget Snape has been attempting to get you to notice her since she was thirteen years old."

James' jaw dropped.

"I take it that the plan to make you take her home after being "stood up" worked?"

If possible James' jaw dropped further.

* * *

"So James is with Bridget now?" Harry asked quietly as Draco stood on the balcony with him that night.

"Once he's gotten over the shock." Draco smiled, "I still don't think he can quite believe it."

Harry looked out over the grounds his expression unreadable. "I suppose you might be having grandchildren soon."

Draco groaned, "Let's not get ahead of ourselves." He took a place next to Harry careful to keep his distance, "Though I have to say my father is probably spinning in his grave right now at the thought of Granger's daughter marrying my son."

Harry snorted, "I dunno, I reckon after hearing you announce to him that I was your soulmate everything else is just gravy."

"True."

"I thought it would be so easy" Harry said after a while, "All you need is love right?"

Draco sighed, "And no Dark Lord pissing all over your life."

For the first time in years Harry let out a real honest to god laugh.

* * *

Harry started to act strange...or at least stranger than usual. He kept throwing Draco weird looks and seemed desperately awkward with him.

Draco was pretty sure that he knew what was happening. But he let Harry sweat it out and become more and more nervous.

After all he had to have some fun in his life.

* * *

"You're the most infuriating person on the planet" Harry yelled at him one night.

Draco nodded, "Pass the salt please."

Harry glared at him and without even looking the salt flew over to Draco's out streached hand. He merely raised an eyebrow and started to sprinkle his potatos.

It was amusing to eat knowing that a pair of fuming green eyes were fixated on him. With precision he ate everything on his plate knowing that Harry was barely eating a thing.

Politely he dabbed his mouth with the napkin and stood up walking past Harry and to the door.

"Are you coming?" He asked holding it open.

Harry spun around on his chair so fast he nearly flew off it.

"Graceful as ever Potter."

* * *

They didn't have sex that night. But for the first time in so long Draco hated to remember, he had Harry in his bed, He stroked the soft scared skin and murmered kisses along the golden body before him. He felt Harry relax and tense on occasion and for the first time allowed himself to feel horror that he'd thrown Harry out onto the streets and into that horrendous life that seemed to scar him so badly.

When he finally cried it was Harry that held him until he slept.

* * *

It was almost six months before they made love. Draco lay on his back staring up at Harry who bit his lip and seemed as unsure as a sixteen year old.

It was like a blast from the past.

Draco nearly screamed in frustration the seventh time Harry asked if he was ok, when Harry didn't move. He clenched his muscles hard around Harry's dick and saw his lover gasp as if he'd just been shot.

"Will you fucking well move your backside." Draco hissed.

* * *

When James was twenty two he proposed to Bridget. Severus seemed torn between delight and being livid that his little girl wasn't quite so little anymore.

Hermoine simply laughed.

It was at their engagement party that Draco felt something in his heart flutter. Ron, Hermoine and Harry all sat at a table alone, talking quietly and holding out hands to each other at various times.

And something in Harry relaxed finally.

* * *

"She had to have heard the rumours." Harry said worriedly pacing their rooms the night before Carys was due to return from Hogwarts. "The prophet seems to be taking it as a given that she's my daughter."

Draco lazed on the bed, naked and watching Harry with little concern. "She probably has."

"Has she talked to you about it?"

Draco sighed, "She's a bizarely practical child. I raised her so i don't think it really matters to her. You're now helping to raise her and so what does it matter." He shook his head, "She avoids drama like the plague, i've no idea where she gets it from."

Harry's face darkened slightly, "I do."

* * *

The never talked aboyt Carys' mother. Draco tried once and Harry had snapped at him viciously.

* * *

They were in bed, Draco kissing Harry hungrily, patting around the nightstand for the lube and trying not to break the perfectly heated kiss that he was leading. They were both half undressed and desperate having left the dinner dance early.

Again.

Harry pushed him away slightly, "Draco." he pushed the bottle into Draco's hand.

"Merlin, Harry how lazy are you?" Draco sighed unscrewing it. "It's not that hard to_"

"I want you to do it."

Draco rolled his eyes, "I'm really not in the mood for the slow build up. In case you hadn't noticed we're both already in the mood."

Harry looked almost frightened and swallowed, "Ok."

He didn't take the lube off Draco and resigned Draco started to prepare himself.

"What..."Harry grabbed Draco's hand halting him. "No you prat i meant...you must know what i meant."

"Oh." Draco sat back studying Harry carefully, "But you said...i mean you indicated that you'd never_"

"I want to try." Harry said sitting up looking strangely young. "Please."

Draco suddenly felt inexplicably terrified. He nodded and opened the jar slowly, coating his fingers. With a long look at Harry he started to slide down Harry's body_

"No" Harry pulled him up to eye level swallowing deeply, "No I need to see you...I need to know that it's you."

"Ok." Draco nodded, "Harry you really don't need to, i'm fine-"

"Shut up Malfoy."

* * *

Later that night Draco stood staring out at the grounds from his large window, naked under the robe and fuming.

"Draco_"

"I should have hunted them down and made them eat their balls." Draco said tightly not turning around.

A long sigh echoed from the bed. "They paid for a reaction Draco and I wasn't giving them one."

He heard Harry get out of bed, and a pair of naked arms wrapped around his waist. "Come back to bed."

Draco closed his eyes feeling a tear drip out and tumble down his cheek.

Passivley he let himself be turned to face Harry. His Harry who had been so fouly used.

"How do you stand it?" He whispered, "How can you stand this?"

"Because it's you." Harry said. "Because it rarely comes into it with you. That was about power and this isn't."

Draco shook his head, "That was about you feeling as if you should be punished and I...I made you feel like that."

Harry shrugged, "I don't feel like that anymore."

* * *

For three weeks Draco refused to touch Harry sexually. They fought and screamed at each other so loudly that Draco was almost sure that his neighbours miles away would bang on the door and ask them to keep it down.

He didn't know how they made up. Somehow Harry had regained that annoying ability to simply worm his way into Draco's good books without Draco really realising it until it was too late.

Slytherin.

* * *

Carys was a bridesmaid for the wedding. She looked like a princess and Draco winced inwardly at the make-up that she wore.

Not so little anymore. He felt a huge amount of sympathy to the very pale Severus Snape who looked like he wanted to throw up.

James and Bridget made a beautiful pair. James laughed at the alter at something she said and apologised to the minister while his wife to be simply gave them a challenging look.

Merlin help the boy.

* * *

When Carys was seventeen she and Harry talked. Draco never asked what they said to each other but Harry disappeared with her for three days which pissed him off slightly. He was almost used to Harry going off on one of his merry little soul searching holidays but suddenly discovering that Carys wasn't in the house and a post-it note taped on her pillow absolutely infuriated him.

"Where did you go?"

"Her mothers grave." Harry said tiredly as he stripped of his jeans.

Draco nodded watching, waiting with crossed arms.

"She was killed to teach me a lesson."

Blinking in surprise Draco sat up on the bed. "What lesson was that?"

"To not interfer. They intended to kill Carys too."

A lump swelled in Draco's throat, "Why didn't they."

Harry paused in his stripping and turned to Draco. "I wasn't as strong as them, stronger than wizards can imagine but not as strong as them. But I warned them that I had something that made me deadlier. I had his hatred and my love." Harry let out a cruel laugh, "I'd have wiped the floor with them if they'd killed her."

Draco stared at his lover with wide eyes.

"I think that was when they decided to help me find a way to strip me of his magic. Couldn't take the risk."

Draco nodded, "Does Carys know?"

"That and more," Harry sighed sitting on the bed. "Just not afterwards...not the other stuff. I'd prefer she didn't."

"It's common knowledge-"

"It's common speculation." Harry corrected. "Just let me pretend."

* * *

Abigail Malfoy was born in June. Draco stared at his granddaughter transfixed.

"You realise your the first Malfoy in generations to have a daughter first?" he told James.

"That's because she's the postmans" Bridget told him solemnly.

* * *

Christmas became his favourite time of the year. Everyone would come over to the manor, have a huge lunch Draco dared not have a part in. Molly was too old to do it now so Hermoine, Ron and Ginny did it.

Harry was allowed to cut the things up. He often would spin the knife in his hand absently and the kids thought he was some kind of ninja warrior for it.

Draco wondered when Harry had learnt to do it. Once Harry realised that the kids saw him as some kind of God for it he started doing it on purpose and tossing the knifes to make the kids gasp.

Molly scolded him and Harry would simply laugh.

After lunch they would all sit around the huge christmas tree. James and Bridget and their growing brood, the weasleys and the sea of red heads that followed, Carys and her husband and their sleepy son who always seeemed fascinated by Harry's hair. All of them sat and handed out presents.

Everyone stayed, the kids would be put to bed and the adults would pretend not to know that the children got out their new toys and played until exhausted.

And in the night Draco would climb into bed next to Harry, kiss him, love him and play that game where they tried to see who could make the other one moan the loudest.

Smugly Draco loved it because he usually won.

* * *

"You realise we've had twenty years together now?" Harry asked one morning.

Draco nodded, "I'm aware Potter, i'm not you."

A butter smeared piece of toast was thrown at him.

* * *

Harry didn't look bad with grey hair, it almost made him look distinguished.

Almost.

* * *

Draco had thier grandchildren for the night when he looked out of the window to see Harry talking to a cloaked figure.

Curious he made his way downstairs.

"-You gave up all that power for this?" The cloaked figure was sneering, "A mortal life where you grow old and die; pathetic and useless?"

Harry didn't seem too fazed, "I can still throw you off these grounds." He said calmly.

"You were meant to be one of us. You agreed to it." The figure grabbed Harry. "You swore to us_"

"I swore I wouldn't interfer and I haven't. Not once have I fought for the ministry, not once have I hunted down those that killed Grianne. My stepson is an auror and I have never flown to his rescue. You have nothing against me that you can use, now leave."

"You will break Potter, you will use that power to interfer. Look at the anniversary party all those years ago."

"I protected myself." Harry said firmly, "I defended and I barely used the magic. Go to hell."

"We're waiting Potter. The second you use it we will come for you."

"Then you'll be waiting a hell of a long time, Now go."

* * *

"You lied to me." Draco said when Harry came in.

"Yes."

"You're not going to say anything else?"

Harry shook his head, "There are things I cannot tell you Draco."

"What were you?" Draco screamed at Harry's retreating back.

Harry paused on the stairs, "You cannot know Draco."

* * *

Draco yelled at Harry for months until he admitted defeat. Harry would not say and Draco could not make him.

James was killed in action not three days after Draco finally accepted Harry would not talk to him.

* * *

"You have the power." Draco screamed at Harry, "You can bring him back."

"Yes." Harry said so quietly not looking at him.

"Bring him back." Draco begged, falling to his knees, "Please, I'll do anything, just bring him back. I'll take his place if you need to have that-"

Harry dropped down beside Draco and held him.

* * *

Draco woke to Ginny calling him, crying and barely able to get the words out.

James was alive.

Harry was gone.

Draco was never the same.

James came over and asked if Draco blamed him.

Draco shook his head and said all the right things.

He only blamed himself, hated himself because if he had to do it again he wouldn't change a thing.

* * *

When he was ninety three he felt himself coming to an end. James and Bridget had permenately moved into the manor when Draco had fallen off the wagon. They'd stayed when he crawled his way back on.

* * *

"I love you," a gentle voice whispered in his ear.

"Harry?"

He opened his old, worn eyes. Harry looked as if he was nineteen again.

"I'm sorry_"

"Shush" Harry smiled, "I would have done it anyway."

"Am i dead?"

Harry shook his head, "Soon."

"Are you dead?"

"Draco_"

"You're not are you?"

"No."

"Will you ever be?"

"No." Harry sat and smiled down at him sheepishly.

"We were meant to be soulmates." Draco croaked out.

"We were, we are." Harry stroked his hair, "You've no idea how important you've been."

Draco huffed out a laugh, "Never thought i'd hear you accuse me of modesty."

Harry smiled, "In fact Draco you may have been one of the most important people ever to have lived. You've changed more than you'll ever know."

Draco lifted a shaking hand to Harry's face, "What are you?"

"Yours."

"Git" Draco dropped his hand, aching at the laughter, "You're never going to explain it are you?"

"I can't. It's too complicated and we don't have much time."

"Well i want to know why i'm so important." Draco pouted.

Harry laughed, "I can't believe you can still sulk at your age."

"You're better" Draco sighed with some relief, closing his eyes, "I thought you'd be all cold again."

Harry nuzzled his cheek, "I'm sorry Draco."

"For?"

"You fixed me. I never fixed you."

"Idiot" Draco whispered.

"You've lived a fractured life Draco-"

"I chose my life Harry, I choose for you to be in it, however morornic you wished to be. I chose to raise our daughter and I chose give you up. Don't for a moment think otherwise."

Harry nodded and gave him a weak smile. "Your an idiot Malfoy."

"You too Potter."

* * *

AN - I'm not sure i like the ending of this but i couldn't find anything else!


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